Saturday, September 10, 2005

To say or not to say

At last I was whispering " you know how much I Love you, if only you hear my heart" .She turned and asked , " Vasanth, what was that,...come again " but I was speechless.... She was giving the wedding card to all her friends, and gasping in between to answer their naughty queries. This is the last chance for me , to reveal, to bring her to my world, , but I am standing here dumb as if resigning myself to the inevitable.

The day I met her is fresh in my memory. It was our first day in the college , all were busy with the routine hand shakes and introductions. I found her standing there alone, leaning on the wall . With sheer curiosity I approached her " Hai , I am Vasanth, why not in the crowd". For the first time.. I saw the instant blush of a girl, and in no time she was flying away. I cannot, but frown at her immature gesture .

The days were dancing away , as all of us had become close enough to hear and share . She was also there in the class. It was on one Friday , I think, I was reading some interesting stuff , so didn't notice her standing so near to me, "hello , I am Kavitha and sorry the other day I behave like that ", I was really excited and for sometimes we were talking this and that. I don't know why , but I was having a new sensation. Then she waved at me and went away with her friends.

As days slipped through we became very good friends, she, me and her friend Neena. For anything and everything she used to turn to me, no wonder I started to have fancied dreams , Her presence was always felt with that cherubic smile , bubbling with innocence. She was never stingy in smiles, and that was her specialty too. Never I missed a chance to be with her, to talk with her, to watch her eyes. To be frank she was not at all a ravishing beauty, but she was like breeze tender and soft., always boiling with passion and full of life .Every time I heard her voice my heart used to race, an unusual stirring inside. I know it is too early to assume anything, even then I was under real rapture. Yes , It was sure this is nothing but the mystery and wonder of being in love. Always I hankered for her presence, as there is no part in a man , which won't get pleasure from the woman he wants to be with. Many times I strengthened myself to tell her the tale of my heart, but the thought that she may reject and may lose her for ever, forced me to repress.

It was two years course, and almost 18 months flashed away. I was always confounded, how to pour out my soul. No more I can bear this stinging pain of uncertainty , as there in her eyes I could not read anything...so concealed! . Wednesday was always a good day for me, I equipped myself with words and thoughts, no more fluttering , to say or not to say . I found her sitting there alone, in the lawn as Neena was on leave. She saw me from far , and waved at me...."Vasnath I want to talk to you." ho what a good start ,I was beaming with confidence. She was very casual with no tension, that made me suspect , what she is going to say...if only she made it all easy for me.. I wished.. I could hear her "See Vasu , be frank with me, U like love marriage or arranged one? Thank God she is coming to the same point..." " Of course love marriage” , I was ready with answer, you know Kavee , one birth is not enough to go through this magic of love, have u ever been in love dear" I managed to say that.. But she was there with her usual smile...as if she hadn't heard me at all , continued with her talk ,' hey, there is an engagement ceremony at our home, only very few I have told, so I wish u should come for that, okay, and keep it a secret " . I was confused , in haste I grabbed her hand, and was rather pleading , "why in such a hurry Kavi, u never told me," Before I could say anything more she freed herself from my grip and joined a group of girls who passed by But I could detect some strange range of emotions in her face, may be an illusion .I was totally wrecked. .as I got my entire within shattered at the thought that, she is going to marry, someone else

The days went by panting and sighing, as she didn't show up for almost one week. And the next time when I met her .she was there with that wedding card....I was not hearing what she was saying to her friends. With the card in my hand, was dragging myself away from that crowd , to be alone, cursing myself. How long I was sitting there I don't know, then could feel a soothing hand on my shoulder, slowly look up "Hey anything wrong Vasu, so sad and sobbing" ...she with all her grace .. no more I can control..., with all my love I gulped her into my hold,..." Why Kavee, You know , you are my life and how can u leave me, why...why in such a hurry to marry, don't you feel my love dear ..I was rather melting, and I waited her to make her move...no more I could speak .there was pregnant silence for sometime....

As if in a dream I could feel her arms round me, so tight "Stupid, what are You blabbering, first you open the card and see, it is my brother's invitation ...." I cannot blink back my tears, it was flooding down my cheeks ,and rest of her words flew like honey into my heart. “You see Vasu, I wish it was our wedding card, we together inviting all ,. You and me, let us live that dream…"Her words were ringing with an irresistible appeal. It was tacit that, she couldn't even weep. I felt that her love for me struck deeper than tears could have eased. For how long we stand like that, I don't know. She woke me up with a tender kiss, then once again she was moving away from me, .but this time leaving her heart with me, to love, to nourish, life long. I felt I am the happiest man, with my fond wish to walk hand in hand with her, through the thick and thin forever.

5 Comments:

At 7:39 AM, Blogger - - - said...

this is totally and absolutely beatiful!!! keep on writing!!!
is that a true story? did it really happend like this? true or not, you're lucky to have all that love inside of you, don't stop pouring it out for the rest of the people.

 
At 11:41 AM, Blogger WEALTHADVISOR said...

hello

 
At 11:42 AM, Blogger WEALTHADVISOR said...

WONDERFUL

 
At 12:11 AM, Blogger Pete said...

True or not, really happended or not, but the talent of the writer is absolutely seen and read here and I proudly express my appreciation. Great job and keep up the momentum going.
Pete

 
At 5:52 AM, Blogger keveeyes said...

Santhi,
I have gone through your poems and the little story.again to that pilgrimage to kerala.iam not just saying that i have read it.i was in fact getting into another world.see,the beautiful romantic mood in the 'you are my wonder'. "nature or human, all blended in one with the divine force of love.' why not be like the sun is another beautiful thinking of a person who keeps her ambitions, i felt.are you so much in love with the nature?'no nature is our best friend; be close to her, to hear her throbs...'.a beautiful thinking indeed.yes,your mind is seen in these poetic expressions.again i do see that sincere approach in ' once in life we meet such a mate; her i wish never to part'. the way you approach things is very clear.
santhi, good and definitely promising. why not think of approaching some english journals or weeklies with this?dont worry, i think no one will say no.it is for you to take the lead.hari

 

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